


Dear My Loathsome Past

by Inarikasugawa



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Character Study, Other, but then it is Suzuya Juuzou, hinted relationship, things are kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 08:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3930187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inarikasugawa/pseuds/Inarikasugawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I had a desire to look at Suzuya Juuzou, and I may have been a little too close. An untended fire can burn. What brought this problem child to be a man? Suzuya, is this a route to follow?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear My Loathsome Past

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stethoscopesandsigs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stethoscopesandsigs/gifts).



> Really, I should have written an essay instead.  
> For side listening, I recommend The Seasons Die Out, One After Another by Amazarashi.

He knew that it wasn't him, even if no one else believed him. The empty space where the room for feelings were was echoing loudly with anger. He was by no means too fragile or weak to do anything, but the fear of punishment kept his hands from moving. Seasons died out, he thought, but humans remained the same rotting leaf-litter. The same horrible fruit that hung from the trees in the forests of Fuji hung in their hearts as well. He kicked some fallen leaves aside as he walked further off from the childrens' compound. Why would he stay in a place like that? The look on the mans face when he was caught with the cat, the look he had given Suzuya, what kind of god let a man like that roam free? Who else, Suzuya wondered, would he lay his rotting touch to? He felt like there was something close to himself in that man, something that he worked to kill in himself. He wasn't angry, but this man angered him. 

He knew it wasn't him, even if no one else cared. That ghoul, that Jason, something had been familiar about him. Something about him looked just like the cats he had found around the CCG buildings when he was a child. In that space where there was room for feelings, it was quiet, even if his heart was racing with excitement, it was an eagerness. Wouldn't Mr.Shinohara be proud! Seasons died out, he would finally get his hands on a quince. Finally, finally, those eyes would stop looking at him like he was something to be gobbled up. They would have fear, and Juuzou giggled. Good. And if he ever found that man with the knives and the cruelty, he would be happy to put “Jason” through his ugly face. Wouldn't that be something? Surely one accident wouldn't hurt his chances too much. 

He knew it was him, even if no one else believed him. The quiet beeping in the hospital room couldn't have been as quiet as everyone else said it was. It rang in that space where he had felt joy and safety. But now there was nothing but that beeping. Beeping. Beeping. It would have made him restless and angry once, but not when he looked down on the figure in the hospital bed. Seasons died out, he noticed. In the time that had passed he was becoming something more human. Something in him had been righted, put in place from where it had been knocked away and now...? 'Mr.Shinohara.' His thought was quiet, the space immense where an equally great man had been placed but now? How had one accident changed everything so fast? His body was numb but he leaned down, his eyes wet with tears that couldn't find their way out. 

“Goodnight.”

He would wait for the seasons to change, one following the other in their unstoppable march. Spring was somewhere there in the future, and he would work hard to be a man worth finding there. Isn't that right?


End file.
